Kicking kings in the backside and happy Mother's Day (a day too soon)

'Happy Mother's Day,
You'll have to wait until Monday for your card because I left it in my drawer at school..... But it's dead good.... There's a tea bag in it'

Thing 1, age 5


Yesterday was a busy day. An early start to set up playgroup before the school run and keep my OCD in check as the Things proceeded to actually PLAY with the toys rather than set them out. Then followed an argument with Thing 1 who was insistent that I should telephone his teacher to tell her that he wouldn't be in for the morning because he was going to stay at playgroup. Once he was convinced of the fact he would have to go to school I faced a stubborn Thing 2 who was adamant that she's big enough to stay at playgroup alone whilst I do the school run. So slightly dishevelled and with tufts of hair missing from my head I managed To extract all three Things from the building and get Thing 1 up to school before the bell went.

Leaving playgroup later on with Things 2 & 3 was a similarly traumatic affair, but biscuits rooted from the depths of my bag settled them long enough to remove them from the building with very little awareness of my devious ploy .... I've never been so grateful for sugary sedation.

It was a quick trip back to Thing Central to get Thing 2 lunched before taking her to nursery. And we were making really good progress, that is until we saw the chickens.

A stones throw from Thing Central there is a beautiful old hall. In the garden of said hall is a pen containing a number of chickens. Being that we were in a rush, Thing 2 suddenly decided that it was a good day to take note of said chickens. And so, we stood, for ten minutes or more, on the opposite side of the road looking at chickens, Thing 2 rooted to the spot. The conversation went something like this;

Me; 'Come on, we need to get back for lunch then we can get you to school'

Thing 2; 'look, chickens'

Me; 'yes, lovely. Chickens. Now can we go?'

Thing 2; 'I think there are three chickens'

Me; 'yes, I'm not wearing my glasses, but I think you're right. I think there are three. Now lets go'

Thing 2; 'the chickens are there, look'

Me; 'yes. I've seen the chickens. (Under my breath) - I've seen them practically every day for three months'

Thing 2; 'look, Thing 3, chickens'

Thing 3; 'quack quack'

This continued for what seemed like a lifetime. I could actually hear the second hand ticking from my watch. I finally got them moving on though; with the bribe of chocolate after lunch.

Yesterday afternoon was similarly riveting. Thing 1 has been doing a workshop at school over the last six weeks to which parental attendance is requested. Yesterday's was the last one.
There were nine children in the group, and they were asked to think of what they want to be when they're grown up and then mime it for us parentals to guess. There were three aspiring firemen, a police officer, an astronaut, a train driver, and a teacher. Thing 1 mimed being Spider-Man and clarified that even if he couldn't be Spider-Man then he would definitely be a superhero of some description; I have never been more grateful to a child than I was toward the ninth child, who completely stole the show with her fantastic impression of a parrot followed by a verbal assertion that she would definitely be a parrot when she's older and if that doesn't happen then she'll make do with being a flamingo. My imaginative child's mime was most definitely forgotten.
Thing 1 almost managed to get himself back in the spotlight but was saved by my quick reflexes. The man running the workshop dressed up as a king; he donned a long floor-length red velvet cloak. He then proceeded to speak to another child in the group and bent down. Thing 1 stood up and went to kick him in the bottom. I grabbed Thing 1, placed him firmly in his chair and asked in a whisper what on earth he thought he was doing. His response? 'It was so tempting. He shouldn't have stood in front of me like that!'

I was then made to feel exceptionally guilty by Thing 1 when I got home. He proceeded to inform me that in my state of headless chicken, early morning manic madness I had accidentally put Thing 2's LOVEHEART drinking bottle in his lunch ... He was mortified, had to drink from his lunch bag. The two people he did show, laughed at him. I single handedly ruined his street cred. What a bad parent I am!

This morning I was woken by Thing 2 licking my face. Thing 1 stood over me and as I sleepily opened my eyes he joyously wished me happy Mother's Day and proceeded to explain how he'd made me a really cool card with a tea bag in it, but that I couldn't have it until Monday as he'd left it in his school drawer. I didn't have the heart to tell him that Mother's Day isn't until tomorrow anyway.