Easter fun and games, Gangnam Style

If I have learnt anything from this past week, it is that I am completely out of touch with modern music and that even though Thing Central isn't actually a cave somewhere on a secluded and cut off island with no electricity or newspapers, it may as well be.

Thursday was the last day of school before the Easter holidays began for Things 1 & 2. It was also the day that school asked for an inordinate amount of parental input.

Thursday was Easter bun day; our school has seemingly loads of these bun days; Halloween, valentines, summer....
When Thing 1 started in nursery class, I went all out for his first bun day. Making inventive 'honey and sunflower' buns and 'chocolate and peppermint' buns. My first attempt at making cupcakes from scratch and a rather tasty success if I do say so myself; 3 years on and with two Things now needing to take buns in on bun day, I finally cracked; Easter bun day? Easy-peasy chocolate cornflake nests will do the job!

But, as well as making buns for bun day, I was also tasked with making an Easter bonnet for Thing 1, with only a day and half notice. We managed it and he was pleased with it; that's what matters.

Now, this Easter bonnet was what led me to my discovery of how out of touch I am. Thursday morning was Thing 1's Easter extravaganza. A morning for parents to join their children at school and partake in Easter-y activities. This extravaganza was to begin with an Easter bonnet parade; the twist? The parents had to parade with their child's bonnet on their heads.... Luckily, some of the children didn't have their parents in attendance and so they were to wear their own bonnets, and my little saviour, Thing 1, was so desperate to wear his that he joined in the parade and I avoided having to prance around the hall in a too-small Easter bonnet with bunny ears and paperchain 'hair'. Mum friend wasn't so lucky, her child was quite happy to let her take part in the parade. The next surprise? The kids had chosen the music. Mum friend said; 'if it's 'Gangnam Style' I'm not doing it'. I looked blankly at her, like she was speaking a foreign language.

The music started, children and parents pranced and bounced around the hall, bonnets on heads. Fluffy chicks flying left right and centre, like yellow debris. Eggshells falling on the floor, bits of bonnets pinging off in all directions. I listened to the song. The first time I have ever heard it. Feeling a little bit mean as I had been continually lecturing Thing 1 for weeks for randomly shouting; 'heeyyyyy, sexy lady'; in my defence, I didn't know it was part of a song,I did think it was a bit inappropriate for a five year old to be saying and was sure that it couldn't have possibly come from school. I really must live a sheltered life!
The grin on his little face told me everything I needed to know; it was a massive Thing victory and an 'I told you so, mum' all in one go.

The morning was fun. We made lots of stuff. I will admit I perhaps got a little too excited about the prospect of making glittery bunny ears, and I did insist on wearing them as soon as they were made (and all the way back home, on my own).

When I got back, I promptly googled Gangnam Style. Apparently it's been around since about July 2012. And seemingly everyone and his hamster has made their own Gangnam style video/spoof or likewise. The more I saw the more perplexed I became as to how I had been completely bypassed by this seemingly very popular craze; and I actually still don't get it?
Alas, I'm off to listen to some Petula Clarke (google it), maybe a bit of Gene Pitney, then I'm going to do the Macarena (see, I was in touch with modern dance crazes last decade...) .....

Thing 3; attention addict

Thing 3 is fast becoming a comedian. She likes the attention she gets for doing daft stuff; like yesterday, she insisted on putting on Thing 1's iron man costume and became 'iron-baby'. Today she has been walking around with a kazoo shaped like a pair of lips in her mouth and a pirate hand puppet on her hand.

I think she loves attracting attention. If she's told no, she does it twice as much;

'Please don't touch the tv, Thing 3'
She'll smack the tv instead.

'Don't pull your sister's hair, Thing 3'
She'll bite her sister instead.

'Don't get all the toys out, Thing 3'
She'll upturn the box.

'Try keep your food on your plate, Thing 3'
She'll tip the food over her head.

I am slowly getting more and more nervous about this Thing. I am now convinced that she is going to make the sometime stubborn Thing 2 look extraordinarily angelic in comparison.

As if to prove my point, as I am typing, Thing 3 has, completely unprovoked, smacked the TV, thrown the small rocking horse on its side, pulled three books off the bookcase and snatched a transformer from the unsuspecting paws of Thing 1..... Then legged it up the stairs. I'm now off to retrieve the Transformer....... Wish me luck!

Pavement candy and Betty Bear's lost sock

Yesterday we walked back from school to find an inordinate amount of pavement confectionary littering the ground.
My attention was first drawn to a solitary chunk of Yorkie chocolate which Thing 2 picked up with lightning reflexes and was about to put in her mouth.
'Noooooo!' I spoke in drawn-out slow motion.... Swiped the offending piece of floor chocolate from her childlike grasp and it fell to the floor with a thud. Of course, this evoked tears from said Thing and I had to explain kindly, but in a no nonsense way that it just isn't appropriate to eat sweets off the pavement. She looked at me, all big blue eyed and she nodded, chin wobbling at the sadness of having to leave the piece of chocolate where it lay; but I seemed to get through to her. Or so I thought.
A mere few metres along the road and we came across a lonely yellow jelly baby. This time it was Thing 1 who got the look of excitement because of what he'd found. Anyone would think they are deprived of treats and sweet stuff. Honestly they're not. In fact, they probably have more than their fair share.
Again I found myself explaining to a Thing the reasons why they couldn't eat sweets from the pavement.

Sadly, there had apparently been an explosion at Willy Wonka's factory yesterday, with the road between school and Thing Central being the worst hit. We came across treat after treat. It looked like Hansel and Gretel had left a trail for themselves to RETURN to the gingerbread cottage...
There was a piece of chewing gum, then a wrapped boiled sweet. A polo mint, followed by half a digestive, followed by a bright yellow bubble gum. Then we found a mint imperial, a jelly strawberry, a fizzy dummy sweet.
At every sweet I had to break a Thing or two's heart repeatedly by explaining that they couldn't eat it. By the time we were almost home, the pair looked ravenous and were frantically looking for a floor treat they could grab and devour before I could stop them. The walk home took forever. We got in and the Things ended up raiding the tin of biscuits; I mean, I couldn't deny them MORE treats!

Having heard that account of yesterday's walk home, you can probably imagine my delight in finding that today's walk home from school would be in the snow! Yes, you heard me correctly. In...the...snow! You know what snow means?! Any floor food would be COVERED... By SNOW! That could only mean one thing, that today's walk home would be much quicker and I would be saved the task of explaining over and over again why Things should try not to add 'floor food' to their varied diet.
I was right. The walk was much quicker. It took us twenty minutes as oppose to the day before, when it had taken fifty. Thing 2 was happy because she had painted a pink triangle (actually, it was orange, but she insisted it was pink and so to keep the peace we just nodded in agreement), Thing 1 was happy as he had been given one of the class mascots, Betty Bear, to bring home and look after for the weekend. I was happy, as in bringing out Betty Bear, Thing 1 had announced to me that he would need to sleepover at Thing grandparents this weekend as when he'd had the mascot's male counterpart, Buster Bear, he'd gone to the grandparents and therefore it would be very unfair on Betty if she didn't get to go too. A swift phone call and a Thing sleepover was arranged.
The walk back was, on the above notes, an overall pleasant experience for all. It was bitterly cold, and the snow was wet; but that wasn't going to dampen our spirits.
We laughed and joked all the way home, Betty Bear safely tucked under Thing 1's arm; each knowing we'd soon be home and could get into dry clothes, put the fire on and not have to worry about going back out into the cold.

We got in, we put the fire on. We sorted dry clothes. I made a well deserved cup of tea. I sat down on the settee.
I heard a wail of epic proportions.
I thought Thing 1 had chopped his hand off or caused himself some other serious injury. But no;

'Mum! Betty Bear has lost a sock!'

I ran through in my head where Betty had been in the house, but she was sat on the toy box by the door. The sock couldn't be anywhere but outside in the cold, wet, snow.
I momentarily mentally mapped out our entire family sock collection to see if there was a pair I could legitimately replace Betty's remaining sock with that wouldn't cause me a ridiculous amount of embarrassment upon returning Betty to school on Monday. Alas, I couldn't think of a single pair that would do; we have a large collection of socks, made up almost entirely of mismatched pairs, discoloured socks and of course mine and Things' dads socks that would be much too big for Betty. I checked eBay for a replacement pair. The sock worn by Betty was from Build-a-Bear workshop. An identical replacement pair would set me back £4.99! There is no way I would spend that on a pair of socks for a teddy bear! I don't even spend that on socks for us!
There was nothing else for it. I would have to venture out into the cold.
I braced myself and stepped out into the now blizzard conditions. I hurried along the road we'd travelled a while earlier, squinting through the whirling flakes; desperately seeking a white sock in the white snow.
I got almost halfway back to school, ended up practically on hands and knees, scrabbling in the rapidly drifting snow.
A flash of pink lace caught my eye and I blindly grabbed toward it....
Betty's lost sock! I had found it!
Yes, I was that crazy woman, standing in the snow, hand grasping sock, triumphantly punching the air. I was the one yelling 'yes!' as I did so like an Olympic gold medallist. I had done it. I had found that sock.

I returned home and cold, but triumphant. Thing 3 was asleep, Thing 2 was prancing around in her own little world and Thing 1 had completely forgotten the existence of Betty Bear, never mind that she was one sock down. Alas, I can allow myself to wallow in my sense of achievement for a little while; otherwise I would probably have a sock- induced breakdown!

Chewing gum shapes

This morning we awoke to snow. Not a lot, not even a fine layer settled on the floor, but snow 'falling from the sky!' (Thing 2) , all the same. This was enough to ensure we had giddy Things.

This morning, I awoke to, albeit a little giddy, three VERY well behaved and organised Things.

Today we set off for school early.


And thank goodness we did! We had barely left the house when Thing 1 started his newfound favourite game; walking along, looking at the floor to see the splattered ancient chewing gum marking the pavements and working out what shape they look like. We had a moon, a pirate ship, a sheep, a spoon and a house shaped piece. To name but a few. The walk took forever. I had to keep yelling for him to keep up, whilst he responded about the 'awesome' shape he'd found this time.

When we finally got to school, Thing 3 wanted to stay at nursery and play with the toys. I manage to persuade her away from that and she decided to try her luck at removing children's names from the board. I told her no. She called me a 'bad baby' and then she sobbed and sulked all the way back to Thing Central.

Things' nanna called round with some craft stuff. Thing 3 yelled at her. Things' nanna left. Thing 3 yelled at me.

Thing 3 has gone for a nap. I'm being extremely quiet in the hope she'll have a good snooze and wake up in a much better mood.

Sicky bugs, naughty Things and refraining from eating apparel

Mum I didn't eat anything today. Well, I ate my lunch. But I didn't eat any of my clothes..... Actually, I did wipe a bogey on my sleeve but I only licked it off.

Thing 1, age 5


We have had a random few days. A Thing 2 getting the 'helping hands' medal from school one day and then running out of class to me the next... Before her name was called. Apparently, she has had helping hands now so she doesn't need to try anymore . Yes. She IS only 3.

Thing 3 has had a sicky bug. Now that was fun.... Not! She managed to spew all over me. And later on she puked all over me and herself....
We got by, sleeping on the settee and hoping that the other two Things wouldn't join us. It worked the first night! Second night? We were awoken by Thing 2 at about 4.30am and couldn't get back to sleep!

Thing 1 came home with a spelling test. One of the words on his test was 'berk' (aka. Burk).... You know, that slang word derived from the cockney slang; 'Berkshire hunt'..... The word it means rhymes with 'hunt'.....

Today, thing 1 has been majorly helpful and loving ... An unusual occurence.... After something? Off to check my purse......

Kicking kings in the backside and happy Mother's Day (a day too soon)

'Happy Mother's Day,
You'll have to wait until Monday for your card because I left it in my drawer at school..... But it's dead good.... There's a tea bag in it'

Thing 1, age 5


Yesterday was a busy day. An early start to set up playgroup before the school run and keep my OCD in check as the Things proceeded to actually PLAY with the toys rather than set them out. Then followed an argument with Thing 1 who was insistent that I should telephone his teacher to tell her that he wouldn't be in for the morning because he was going to stay at playgroup. Once he was convinced of the fact he would have to go to school I faced a stubborn Thing 2 who was adamant that she's big enough to stay at playgroup alone whilst I do the school run. So slightly dishevelled and with tufts of hair missing from my head I managed To extract all three Things from the building and get Thing 1 up to school before the bell went.

Leaving playgroup later on with Things 2 & 3 was a similarly traumatic affair, but biscuits rooted from the depths of my bag settled them long enough to remove them from the building with very little awareness of my devious ploy .... I've never been so grateful for sugary sedation.

It was a quick trip back to Thing Central to get Thing 2 lunched before taking her to nursery. And we were making really good progress, that is until we saw the chickens.

A stones throw from Thing Central there is a beautiful old hall. In the garden of said hall is a pen containing a number of chickens. Being that we were in a rush, Thing 2 suddenly decided that it was a good day to take note of said chickens. And so, we stood, for ten minutes or more, on the opposite side of the road looking at chickens, Thing 2 rooted to the spot. The conversation went something like this;

Me; 'Come on, we need to get back for lunch then we can get you to school'

Thing 2; 'look, chickens'

Me; 'yes, lovely. Chickens. Now can we go?'

Thing 2; 'I think there are three chickens'

Me; 'yes, I'm not wearing my glasses, but I think you're right. I think there are three. Now lets go'

Thing 2; 'the chickens are there, look'

Me; 'yes. I've seen the chickens. (Under my breath) - I've seen them practically every day for three months'

Thing 2; 'look, Thing 3, chickens'

Thing 3; 'quack quack'

This continued for what seemed like a lifetime. I could actually hear the second hand ticking from my watch. I finally got them moving on though; with the bribe of chocolate after lunch.

Yesterday afternoon was similarly riveting. Thing 1 has been doing a workshop at school over the last six weeks to which parental attendance is requested. Yesterday's was the last one.
There were nine children in the group, and they were asked to think of what they want to be when they're grown up and then mime it for us parentals to guess. There were three aspiring firemen, a police officer, an astronaut, a train driver, and a teacher. Thing 1 mimed being Spider-Man and clarified that even if he couldn't be Spider-Man then he would definitely be a superhero of some description; I have never been more grateful to a child than I was toward the ninth child, who completely stole the show with her fantastic impression of a parrot followed by a verbal assertion that she would definitely be a parrot when she's older and if that doesn't happen then she'll make do with being a flamingo. My imaginative child's mime was most definitely forgotten.
Thing 1 almost managed to get himself back in the spotlight but was saved by my quick reflexes. The man running the workshop dressed up as a king; he donned a long floor-length red velvet cloak. He then proceeded to speak to another child in the group and bent down. Thing 1 stood up and went to kick him in the bottom. I grabbed Thing 1, placed him firmly in his chair and asked in a whisper what on earth he thought he was doing. His response? 'It was so tempting. He shouldn't have stood in front of me like that!'

I was then made to feel exceptionally guilty by Thing 1 when I got home. He proceeded to inform me that in my state of headless chicken, early morning manic madness I had accidentally put Thing 2's LOVEHEART drinking bottle in his lunch ... He was mortified, had to drink from his lunch bag. The two people he did show, laughed at him. I single handedly ruined his street cred. What a bad parent I am!

This morning I was woken by Thing 2 licking my face. Thing 1 stood over me and as I sleepily opened my eyes he joyously wished me happy Mother's Day and proceeded to explain how he'd made me a really cool card with a tea bag in it, but that I couldn't have it until Monday as he'd left it in his school drawer. I didn't have the heart to tell him that Mother's Day isn't until tomorrow anyway.

A back like jelly and remote controls

'But why do we even need remote controls in this world? It's not like we can eat them.'

Thing 1, aged 5

The past few days have been a bit of a nightmare. On Monday I was ready to catch up on my workload and make a start on Thing 3's memory blanket using patches taken from her outgrown clothes - I started this tradition with Thing 1 because I had no-one to pass his baby clothes on to and I couldn't bear to part with some items, but didn't have the storage to keep everything.

I set up the sewing machine, and started to stitch. Things 2 & 3 were playing nicely with building blocks, books and barbies (it must've been a 'B' day).

I had just got into my stride, merrily stitching away when suddenly; 'pop!' - something in my lower back went pop, I fell to the floor and yelled for Things' dad. I lay on the floor, unable to get up.
I wouldn't let Things' dad help as it hurt to move. So, lying on the floor, I became a Thing climbing frame and interactive toy.
Thing 2 relished the opportunity to whip out the Dr's bag she'd received for her birthday. She tested my ears, my eyesight, my reflexes. She pulled my tongue out and prodded it, she stuck her fingers in my ears, she prodded my eyeballs, she whacked my knees. I will admit I wasn't particularly bothered as it detracted from the pain in my back.

Thing 3 squealed with delight as she jumped on my head and swung on my legs and climbed over me and back again. Then she took to playing the drum, using my forehead as the drum and a maraca as a drumstick; to give them their due, I will credit them with the fact I managed to get to the settee and sat up.
It was an act of survival that I dragged myself to the settee, otherwise I'd have been leaving myself at the mercy of two small Things.

Not a moment too soon, Things' Nanna picked the three Things up and took them to her house so that we could make a trip to A&E. Oh how I love waiting in A&E. I almost wished I was back being a climbing frame and drum-kit.

I was eventually seen in A&E by a doctor who introduced himself as a dr who 'works at this hospital' (thank goodness for that!) and following some prodding and X-rays, I was duly packed off home to Thing central with a packet of painkillers to top up those that had been injected into my bottom whilst at A&E. A peaceful Thing free night's sleep followed.

Yesterday, I felt a little better. Thank goodness for painkillers. Thing 3 was unusually gentle and Thing 2 was helpful. Things 1 & 2 decided that they were both going to be the cat in the hat from the time they got in from school until bedtime. This did highly amuse Thing 3, and kept them all out of trouble.

Today, was again somewhat improved- Thing's aunty took Thing 3 out for the day, Things 1 & 2 were in school all day. I went to the Drs and got given more medication.

All returned to havoc at Thing Central by about half 3. Things upturned boxes of toys, bickered and bit (Thing 3, that's our biter right there!). Then, Thing 2 came into the kitchen and asked me;

'What are we having for tea?'

I responded that I didn't know and she said that she wanted burger and chips. I told her we had no burgers and so she went and got her purse, pulled out 60p in ten pence pieces and informed me that she was treating everyone to a take-away. That little gesture was enough to nearly set me off in tears (I'll blame the medication for my emotional state) and I scratted about to get together some money to order a burger and chips for her. She can be such a sweetheart.

After tea, Thing 3 was caught hovering around the bin again. This time she wasn't extracting scraps of food, she was throwing objects away. Namely the television remote control. It was thrown into the depths of the bin amongst discarded apple cores and snotty tissues. Thing 2, still being helpful, retrieved the remote control wiped it on the back of thing 3's cardigan and put it away. This buzz of activity set Thing 1 off on a pondering session. He began to ponder why we actually even need remote controls. Questioning the fact that they are most probably actually useless because we can't eat them and we can't wear them. I finally got them into bed, Thing 1 was still chattering away about the uselessness of remote controls at lights off and door closed. He will probably still be chattering about his theories on the necessity of remote controls when he wakes up; so I have between now and then to come up with a definitive reason to provide him with. I'm off the write a list!

Bin sausages and Thing chaos

Thwack!

I was awoken this morning by Thing 1, smacking me in the face. Then he said; 'now you're awake mum, it's breakfast time'. His bellowing voice woke Things 2 & 3 who were nestled either side of me and so left me really with no choice but to get up.

Once given free reign of the entire ground floor of Thing Central, those three Things went bonkers. Toys were strewn, books were used to build forts. Things laughed and fought, argued and made up again. It was absolute chaos and so I made myself scarce, headed into the kitchen and started tidying up.

That is when I heard it. A click, a rustle and little footsteps scurrying away. Apparently Thing 3 is now big enough to reach the bin and smart enough to open it.
And that is what she'd done. she'd opened the bin, snatched a discarded sausage from last nights tea and legged it across the room.... I threw down the pots I was cleaning, ran after her, wrestled her to the floor by practically jumping on her and wrestled said bin sausage from her paws, fished a mouthful of bin sausage out of her mouth and endured much rage from said Thing at being caught.

It wouldn't be so bad that Thing 3 likes scavenging. I could probably deal with one Thing having strange eating habits. But I am still coming to terms with the fact that Thing 2 likes drinking water from fish tanks. Never can she be left alone in a room with an accessible fish tank.

I should thank my lucky stars that its only fish water and bin sausage my Things like, as Things' friend, little one, once ate dog poo. Now that I couldn't deal with. That would be me in therapy right then and there! And never would I be able to kiss them again!

How I worry when there is unusual calm at Thing Central

Today at Thing Central, it was unusually quiet.
I always worry when it is quiet.
But alas, today there was no need. I was treated to three very well behaved Things.

I should update you that, after his karate/ninja moves effort to fight off bugs on Wednesday, Thing 1 was sent home poorly on Thursday morning .... For the very first time in his schooling career. He spent the rest of the day chilling on the settee, watching DVDs and dozing.
Friday morning he was still not 100% so I let him stay off school. That suited me better too, as from Friday I took over the running of our local playgroup (with a great team of mums and toast makers alongside me - which I am eternally grateful for as making toast for three Things is a major task for me, let alone having to do it for a room full of big and little people!). I got to the building, set up with the help of Things 2 & 3 and I'm pleased to say it went rather well! I even kept my OCD at bay as Things 2 & 3 unarranged all the toys I'd set out strategically.

We ended up descending on our good friends, postmistress and decorator, for lunchtime.
As a number of parents helped tidy away all the toys at playgroup, I severely mis-scheduled my timings and to walk back home would've meant setting back off to school as we reached the front door, and no lunch for Thing 2.
All was good. Thing 2 ate her lunch, decorator put cbeebies on and did really well pretending he doesn't tune in EVERY lunchtime, Thing 3 ate some lunch, harassed postmistress and decorators dog-pony (really its only a dog, but Thing 3 is under the impression she can climb on its back) and then Thing 3 melted white chocolate buttons all over my cardigan and left trouser leg. I looked a scruffy Herbert taking Thing 2 up to school.

We returned home on Friday afternoon to find that Thing 1 had fought off his illness and was now roly-poly-ing across the room and clambering up the walls ......

This morning all three Things awoke rather early. I was awoken by Thing 3 smacking me in the face and then calling ME a 'bad baby'.

All three Things played nicely with toys. They watched a DVD. Then they played on the Nintendo Wii that we've had since last July and that has been on about ten times since. What a novelty for them! Those three Things loved it. Thing 1 & 2 played for ages, really well together. We tricked Thing 3 by giving her a nunchuck that's given up the ghost.... She thought she was playing and that's what matters.

Thing 1 walked into the kitchen to discover that Things' dad has fitted a new latch on the back door: he gasped, ran to it. 'Ooooh, shiny!', he said, as he stroked and caressed it. Seriously, that Thing Is going places!

The Things put a DVD on whilst I made tea. I caught Thing 2 with her arm around Thing 1's shoulders. Very sweet.
They even went to bed without any problem. What a lovely Saturday ..... Roll on Sunday!