Theatre Week - Year 4

It's that time of year again, Theatre Week. A fabulous, bargainous week-long event put on by our local childrens' centre; providing workshops suitable  for ages 3 - 14.

Day 1 is mixed workshop- we firstly despatched Thing 3 into the creche and embarked on a circus skills workshop. It was an interesting first half - I learnt that Thing 2 can use 'wheelie Walkers' like she was born on them....Thing1 has what borders on an unhealthy obsession withh hula-hoops (The item, not the snack!)  And I cannot; spin plates, use stilts, juggle scarves - seemingly the only feasible scenario if I ran away to the circus - The circs running away from me!
After the break, circus skills was a giant game of volleyball. Where adults showed their ugly competitive side, and ball was hit  from adult to adult, and when " acidentally" hit from adult to child level,the ball was accosted by the same four older and taller, boisterous and unsupervised children. A few of the younger children began to despair at ever getting to touch the volleyball and so gave in; either clinging to their parents legs or sitting out.

It was with relief that we passed through lunch without incident (but witha repatrioted Thing 3)!

After lunch we had 'mini monsters' and we were free to construct monster puppets on a small scale - myself and Things 1&2 enjoyedsuch a pursuit, and were merrily covered in Sharpie marker by the end of the day....

Day 2 began with 'story magic'. We began by learning a traditional old English dance and Thing 2 found such a chore of this activity that she actually staged a solitary-Thing demonstration to get taken to creche.
I had a enjoyable and rare couple of hours with just Thing 1; we made a map, watched a very well acted Jack and the Beanstalk production,and then danced the doe-de-doe......

After another remarkably uneventful lunch, we had Zumba. Thing 2 again requested (nee.demanded) creche and so myself and Thing1 attempted to fling ourselves around a school gym, pretending to ride a horse, speak  on a phone, go all street or get Gangnam styling (soooo grateful I actually know this song now!) - 8 words; people- actually-pay-to-do-this-for-fun ????

Day 3; workshop style! (See what i did there?!)
This year we embarked on the 'Monster Puppets' workshop- led by an artistically  open and encouragitative pair.
We made a giant pupprt - he is furry.
Things 1 &2 made mini monsters and cut my sellotape....

In the show on friday, Thing 3 came on stage with the rest of the creche-dwellers. They sang TwinkleTwinkle. Thing 3 had her back to us the entire performance, staring at the giant glittery star backdrop.......
Then she turned to face the audience at theend and applauded like she's never applauded before.

We went on stage for our performance - made monster puppets dance to the monster mash.

After the show there wasa buffet - I faced arguement  and stubborn thingness and they filled their plates.
We sat down, they picked at their food; then went to get dessert.
I came back to find  a school age child picking scraps from a Thing's discarded plate.... mum  took a moment from texting on her fancy phone with her new acrylic nails, swished her big gold ring earrings out of the way and stated; í dont know whose food that is?'
I replied; ' it was hers, butshes eating dessert now'
To which she promptly turned to small child and said; ' eat up, thats your tea.'
Then carried on texting. So sad.

It was a great week. I can onlynow complain that there is a monster taking up my fourth dining chair....

Eureka!!!

Today we visited the children's museum, Eureka! In Halifax. It was a trip organised by our local children's centre (who are absolutely amazing in the amount of reasonably and fabulously priced activities and experiences they provide, by the way!) and was 'travel by coach'. 

The Things were on great form, and when we arrived at Eureka! they made a beeline for the kiddie size shops and bank; they first went to the bank; withdrew some Eureka! Cash; Thing 1 was gutted that he didn't receive his card back ... And then they tried to break into the safes in the bank... Way to go, Eureka! Teaching my Three Things to try to rob banks.....

Following that, they headed into the kiddy size M&S.Thing 3 squealed in delight, and ran.... toward a pretend apple, made of plastic... which she promptly tried to eat. Failing this,  she tried to eat another piece of plastic food, then another and another; much to the amusement of a number of other visitors.

They played in the water play and delighted in dressing up to perform a play. Thing 1 ran from one side of the 'stage' in a knight's tabard shouting 'I'm a knight!' And then flinging a purple cape over himself for the run back to the other side, this time shoutimg; 'I'm a wizard!' .... this went on a few minutes;  'im a wizard, im a knight, im a wizard....' . 

In the desert area,  Thing 3 discovered a model coyote,  which she insisted was a "doggy" and didn't want to leave. 

We explored the 'about me' area, where there was a model of a mum to be lay down and an ultrasound scanner. Thing 1 was in chare of scanning, me and the girl Things were watching the screen.  

"Look girls, can you see the baby on the screen?' I asked as the scan came on....only to hear a happy Thing 1 announcing; 'haha, im scanning her head!' and I indeed did turn to see a grinning Thing 1 who was indeed scanning the mum to be's head. That took some explaining to the girls....

We played in a giant garden, ate dinner on a train. Chatted with a demented clown and bought a bumbag. Oh, and we ate ice cream! 

It was great! Roll on the rest of the summer hols!

School reports

I have been a lucky Thing mum.... Today I've received school reports. 

Thing 2 is exemplary ...she does as she's told, listens, is patient, polite.... And SHARES! 

I'd love to meet this Thing! 

Thing 1 has excelled, working where he should be, apart from in PE where he is  enthusiastic and working at a much higher level than would be expected .... This is the same Thing 1 that is dragged to school, kicking and screaming EVERY PE day, because he HATES PE........ 

Oh, and Thing 1has scruffy handwriting. 

So much so that he has to often 'decode' what he's written to the teacher for her to mark.... Well done son, you could tell her you'd written anything! 

And I don't care that his handwriting is ineligible .... It means he is destined to be a doctor! 

Cornwall is coming! And Thing mum really should refrain from holiday mode until the final seconds before holiday begins...

I shall admit, I've been fighting off holiday mode for about a week.... Ok, ok... A fortnight..... Right, I can see those knowing looks from those nearest and dearest.... I shall admit it... I will be honest. Lets begin again....

I've been fighting off holiday mode for about a fortnight, somewhere toward the end of January.... The last three month and a half, I've actually been sporadically flitting in and out (rarely out) of holiday mode. I've bored myself in my quite admirable ability to bring all conversations round to the 'C' word (Cornwall!) and now we are in those last couple of days of the countdown.... I'm unbearable... Even to me...

Bags are now almost packed (they have been for almost a month) and I've found that I can fit an awful lot of stuff into my holdall. In fact, I can fit all three Things in my bag and still have space.... Clothing wise, I've filled it to the max and still have excess baggage.... Plus a bag of shoes, a bag of toiletries and a bag of jewellery...

Not to mention the ad hoc add-ons that will inevitably occur as I pack the car.

The Things head off early hours tomorrow, gaining an extra few nights and also a glimpse at the 'safari tent' before we get there! If its dire, we are headed north! 

The Things are decidedly unexcited in comparison to me... I'm sure that when I get them up at about 5am tomorrow morning to get them ready to catch grandparent taxi they'll appear less excited still ... Alas, I only wish I could swap places with them! Things these days.... Don't know their luck!    

P.s. Cornwall.... Watch out! The Things are coming!!!! 

  

Bathtime at Thing Central

And I said 'Come on Things, its bath time now!'

 Stupidly, I thought this would be easy somehow. 

 But of course; 'I can't!' pipes up Thing 1, 

'I had a toy motorbike, now its gone!'

 Out into the garden to root through the gravel, 

 I'm wondering, How far did this motorbike travel?! 

He looks in the mud, down the side of the bin, 

Behind the shed, by the pond, and then, he comes in;

 He looks under the table, behind the chair, 

In the kitchen cupboard, it just isn't there.

 I'm about to think it'll never be found,

Then a whoop of joy, a happiness sound. 

'Don't worry, mum! The bike! I've got it!

 It was here, all along, in my trouser pocket!' 

 'Bathtime, Things!' I begin again,

Halfway up the stairs ....and then... 

'I've lost my toy, my cuddly rabbit! 

 Where can it be? I'm sure I just had it!' 

Back down the stairs, a searching Thing 2,

 And down we all follow, what else can we do?

 A search commences, we look high and low,

 Where would a pink bunny be likely to go?

 Search under the table, bum in the air, 

No sign of the toy, it is not under there.

 Then a yell from upstairs; I've found my teddy!

 I forgot I'd put it in bed already. 

 Back up we all traipse, bath bound at last, 

 Another hour has managed to pass.

 We get to the bathroom, soon bubble bath run, 

I turn and I count; Thing 2 and Thing 1. 

Seemingly, now I've lost Thing 3, 

Where has she gone? Where can she be?!

 I look in the bedroom, behind the door, 

I feel as though I can't take much more.

 Back down the stairs, and sat on a chair, 

 A little Thing 3 is brushing her hair,

 Whilst she speaks to the remote like it is a phone, 

I take one look, and audibly groan. 

Pick up the escaped Thing and take her back up, 

Back to the bathroom and plonk in the tub. 

 Now they're all playing, happy with their lot.

 And do i look forward to this again? I do not

Spring fun day and horse-cows

Today, I visited nursery with Thing 2, for a spring fun day open afternoon. She was exceptionally giddy to have me in school.

We stuck lots of shiny bits onto a picture of The Rainbow fish. Then I was dragged outside by a hyper Thing, who showed me the sandpit, the flowers, the willow tunnel, the tyres; bouncing from one to the next like a pinball.
We were then to go into the forest school, first to go on a bear hunt (seeking out cuddly bears) and then finding items from a list and placing them in an envelope; dandelions, pine cones, feathers, daisies, leaves and much more. Thing 2's attention stopped at the words; feathers and pine cones. We ended up with an envelope just of these items.... Lots of these items; which we were then lucky enough to get to take home! (Yes, I said that through gritted teeth!)

Upon our return to the classroom, we ogled the tadpoles and then made puppies from the playdough (quite actually the most amazing playdough EVER! - it was full of glitter and smelt of mints! I'm amazed Thing 2 hadn't tried to eat it..... I'm amazed that I didn't try to eat it!).

Thing 2 was eager to get on with tidy up time and so decided, once she'd finished with the playdough, then she would begin tidying stuff away.... Even if someone was still playing with it.... Because that's how tidy Things roll!


We got to leave early, although we didn't take Thing 1 early as he had an after school club to go to. So me and Thing 2 had a nice stroll home together. thing 2's day was quite possibly made awesome when she spotted a 'horse-cow' in a field we were passing. Oh how pleased she was.

And, an improvement on last time we attended an activity day at nursery.... We didn't come home with any items that should've remained at school! Result!

Trams, Things and going underground

It was unanimously decided that, whilst in Llandudno, it was the prescribed law to visit the Great Orme at least once (and that you'd get AT LEAST 3 points from your being if you did - 3 added if you didn't - Thing 1).... So we did. Myself, three Things in tow.... Things' granny, grandad, two aunts, an uncle and 3 cousins.

We arrived at said tram (ridiculously tram- full) , purchased tickets (well, I didn't... I'm assuming that a sister or mother in law did .... Otherwise I'm a thieving criminal!). Do note, welsh police, I really did have tickets! (Or I hope my caring relatives did!).

We had a mini drama as I had to physically extract Thing 3 from her pushchair to get her onto the tram ... Then fold up said pushchair and wriggle my way on to the busy tram to find the rest of the family.

The tram ride was fun. The Things loved it. I did have to keep a check on Thing 1 who developed a habit of sticking his head out of the side rather a bit too far, and also on Thing 3 who would probably have jumped did I not have her in a bear hug. Thing 2 was being a girly girl and sitting with her glamorous hairdresser auntie, to whom she'd taken quite a shine.

We eventually reached the top and headed to the cafe for refreshments. A GIANT cookie per Thing, and teas an coffees all round for the grown ups.

The Things picked the smarties off the top of their cookies and then decided that they needed to visit the shop; where they gravitated towards oversized Biros.... I allowed Things 1 and 2 to have one each (I paid for these! Honest!) and convinced the Biro hugging Thing 3 that she would much prefer a fold up hairbrush.... I could pre-empt the state the hotel room walls may find themselves in, were I to allow a 1year old free reign of a biro!

It was then decided that Thing family would visit the Great Orme copper mines. Thing 1 was most excited about this fact and Things 2 and 3 soon caught on to the fact that they were embarking on an adventure.
The sun shone brightly; the heat was lovely; it actually felt like we were on set of 'The Flintstones'. The Things were so excited being in the mines. All three held tight to their hard hats (Things 1&2: red, Thing 3: pink) and made their way through the barely lit twists and turns that are the ancient mines. Thing 1 wondered about the fact he was under the ground. Thing 2 ran back and forth informing me she'd found rocks. Thing 3 ran her hands over the stone and occasionally stopped in order to lick it. We had fun!

We soon headed back to the hotel and I then left Thing dad with Things 1 and sleeping 3 and took Thing 2 out to browse the shops. We had been gone about 15 minutes before I received a phone call from Thing dad informing me that Thing 3 had awoken and was refusing to stop crying. We ran back and collected the crying Thing 3 and took her back out with us.

All too soon, it was time to return to the hotel and get ready for our evening meal. As it was Thing granny and Thing grandad's golden wedding anniversary, we had to get downstairs earlier than planned in order to place set and the like; not an easily planned feat with three Things to deal with! But, we managed, and it was a lovely evening, with beautiful food served in The Imperial Hotel's award winning restaurant, Chantrey's. I highly recommend it! Even the Things loved it and they are fussy eaters! (The free colouring books that they were given may have helped!). I have to admit, I did wolf my meal down as Thing 3 had decided to take mealtimes as the best time to cry and tant,until picked up and then practise the 'Thing fling' (pushing backwards in your arms and practically unbalancing you) until you walk around jiggling and rocking her about. Although, I can't complain too much, as her naughtiness did lead me to meet the manager of the hotel,who was most pleasant, introduced himself and asked after the 'Things'.

After coffee, we returned to the room, full and tired and sad that we were to leave for home the following day. ... At least we could get a good nights sleep in those lovely hotel beds....

Three Things in a hotel

Back home at Thing Central, as I sit and eat a rather lacklustre "dinner" of take-away soggy pizza and chips (haven't the energy to cook), I find myself reflecting on the last couple of days; Thing Central has stood quiet and empty and Three Things have been causing chaos in Llandudno, N.Wales.

It was touch and go all of last week as to whether we would be going to Wales, all or partially, in consideration of the Things' pox. It was decided late on Thursday that's we would indeed be going, following a trip to both the Drs and local hospital and receiving an all clear with regard to the Things' contagiousness. They'd also perked up a bit by Thursday and so the unanimous vote was to head Wales-way the following morning.

Friday morning was madness! To say I'd packed mine and all three Things' clothes about a fortnight ago, I still seemed to have a mountain of jobs to get done on Friday before we left! There were toiletries to pack, and countless snacks for the journey to be organised; Bottles and nappies, not to mention getting all three Things dressed and clean. We eventually
set off at something nearing 11am (for those who know me, I don't do late in the day travelling! If I'd had my way, we'd have been in Llandudno for breakfast time!).

We made good progress, considering we had to run a few errands on our way out and were in Llandudno a little before 1pm. This suited us fine as check-in wasn't until 2. By the time we arrived, both girl things had succumbed to the relaxing movement that is a car journey, and were softly snoring in the back. Thing 1 had talked for practically the entire journey (never have I wished for a soundproof partition between front and back of vehicle more than I did at weekend), and continued to talk away as Things' dad skilfully manoeuvred the car into a parking space nowhere near big enough to fit said car.

Once parked up, Thing 1 giddily jumped from his seat and clambered into the front, where he plonked himself on my knee and re-took up his endless chatter. I was understandably relieved once the Things' paternal grandparents (whose Golden wedding anniversary was the reason for the weekend trip) arrived and took a bouncing Thing 1 up to reception with them, to check in, whilst I roused the still sleeping girls.
Thing 2 was tremendously excited to be at the 'Hoteyl', understandably so, as it was their first ever hotel stay, and was eager to see the room.

We were allocated a suite, and were surprised to find that we were also lucky enough to have a sea view; Three things bounded around excitedly, looking in drawers, exploring the bathroom, licking the walls and generally being Thing-like. Thing 3's entire face lit up as she was lifted to see out of the window and she giggled at the view.

A swift unload of the luggage and unpack later, I left Things' dad to get some rest after the drive and myself, all three Things and Things' granny went for a walk along the prom and on the pier.
We ended up in the arcade and then had to stop every couple of seconds along the pier so that Thing 1 could look through the gaps in the boards to "see what is down there!" (The sea?!)
Eventually we meandered back to the family friendly hotel (The Imperial) if anyone was wondering, and headed room way and changed our clothes .

Feeling fresh and invigorated, we bounded down to the dining room. The Things behaved surprisingly well, the staff tolerated the Things surprisingly well and the food was absolutely amazing! Yum! A day in Llandudno, staying at The Imperial hotel, is pretty hard to match!

Yes! 3 Things poxed.... She says, sitting here with a crying Thing 2 and a just gone to sleep Thing 3

Christmas? Birthdays? What are they in comparison to 'pox' day? The excitement on Thing 2's little face this morning as she discovered she did indeed have chickenpox, is indescribable.
Alas, she was back into the 'in-crowd'; no longer left out; the pack of Things were again in union; She had the pox! She was so proud and kept lifting her top to count 'how many now?'.

The post lady knocked on to deliver a parcel; Thing 2 proudly announced that she had 'chicken pots', whilst lifting her top to show them off.

Sadly, all wasn't so happy for little Thing 3. She spent last night waking every hour, crying, itching and feeling generally under the weather. This morning we both looked like we'd pulled an all-nighter.... Oh, we had in fact done just so....
She is covered head to toe, including pox amongst her eyelashes. So today I took the executive decision to obtain one of those elusive Drs appointments.
I phoned from the time the surgery opened until about a half an hour after opening time... Continually it was an engaged line and then, it just kept cutting off.
I did the legally obligated school run of thing 1 and once I got back I roused the husband and Things 2 & 3 and we drove down to the Drs. I went in; greeted by mrs Brash, the receptionist, who brashly informed me that the phone lines were open and, after a wee bit of brash cohesion, mrs Brash came up with a midday appointment with the head practitioner.

We headed home, Thing 2 pranced about a bit, dressed herself in her Drs outfit and 'treated' herself for chickenpox (apparently modern day treatment is bashing your own knee with a reflex hammer countless times and then listening to your own big toe using a stethoscope).

We headed back to the surgery for the allotted 12pm appointment ... Signed ourselves in with Mrs Brash as the automated system was out of order (in five years I've seen it work once). Thing 3 did well in the 'I'm poorly, so I'm resisting the urge to body slide on the wonderfully polished surgery floor even though its killing me inside not to' stakes . The only bit of rebellion was her launching of a trainer at the surgery notice board announcing; what we did in 2012, with photos, dating back to 2010 (damn you digital photo date adding).
After what seemed like a lifetime (five minutes) we were called in. Dr D agreed, it's pretty severe and we are now referred to the local hospital for the smallest Thing to have her eyes checked thanks to the eyelid pox.

Thing 2 remained smug and proud until about half an hour ago, when she awoke crying and being grumpy. It took a fair amount of convincing for her to take Calpol; including myself taking a spoonful (yum!) to show her it was yummy. I would've rather avoided having to try it . I had to convince Thing 3 to take her two medicines by trying them first myself... This sort of scenario makes me wonder; is it just me?! Or how many parents are unknowingly walking about under the influence of a misguided 'yet another' intake of 5ml of cherry calpol?! Bunch of druggy parents! Or maybe it's just me... But cherry calpol .... Doesn't half taste good!!!

Return of the pox... Much to Thing 2's dismay

'When I'm bigger, I will get chickenpox because I'm bigger'
Thing 2, age 3

After a couple of days of having a big,spotty, brother, Thing 2 had become quite attached to the thought of getting chickenpox. She had begun to see it as a sign of being more grown up.

Every morning since Thing 1 announced with pride that he had chickenpox, Thing 2 has woken me with the instruction to look at her back and search her for chickenpox... To no avail.

This morning was no different. My attention was demanded to look at her and check for the spots. No spots visible.
This afternoon was a different matter though...Thing 3 had a rough afternoon. Crying and not able to get comfy. Finally, after munching on mud in the garden, she found the land of nod. When she awoke, she screamed and shouted. Flung herself about and caused chaos.
I checked her back; two chickenpox. I showed Thing 1 and he ran to tell Thing 2.
Thing 2 then marched into the room,hands on hips, demanding proof of this revelation. I showed her, she sulked momentarily. Feet were stamped, that dreaded phrase; 'it's not fair!' Was uttered.

But then, she settled most happily into mother hen role; asserting that 'only big sisters can give calpol to little sisters'. Thing 3 wholeheartedly agreed by point blank refusing my attempt to administer medication, but gleefully taking it when offered to her by Thing 2.
Thing 2 then fussed over the littlest Thing and tucked her into her doll's wooden cradle.

Two down and one to go..... But what is it they say? Two out of three ain't bad!!!

Chickenpox, chicken spots, dot-to-dots

'Mum! I've got chicken spots'
Thing 1, age 5

'Mummy! Thing 1's got dot-to-dots!'
Thing 2, age 3


This is how I was awoken this morning. I have never seen more pride in a small being as I saw in Thing 1 as he attempted to count his spots including those on his back. Thing 2 took over and announced that there was most definitely more than one hundred.... On his back alone. There wasn't .... At first count there were about 11 on his back. However, by the end of the day there were 42. That's not just a guess.... I was made to play 'count the spots' every hour or so.

Thing 2 has been persistently checking her own body and that of Thing 3 looking for chickenpox .... She's resigned herself that she will get them when she's "bigger" ... Now there's something to look forward to!

I on the other hand am hoping all hope that the girl Things get chickenpox this coming week.... Countdown to weekend away in Wales .... Twelve days .... They have to have it over and done with by then! We have FREE pool access!!!

Three Things at the zoo

'My favourite animal at the zoo was the Barbies, I like Barbies'
Thing 2, age 3

Tuesday morning was filled with the laughing and giggling of excited Things. Day trip to the zoo!

We were going with Nanna and meeting Thing aunty and Thing cousin there. Thing 1 was extremely excited to see the dinosaurs at the zoo and in honour of this we had listened to dinosaur songs all the way there... I say listened...myself and Nanna had sung along to the songs and three Things had argued and bickered in the back of the car. It was a relief to finally arrive at the zoo and I cannot be sure as to whether I or the Things was the most excited....

Firstly we went to see the elephants, but only one was out when we got there, so we resolved to make a return trip to the elephant enclosure, and set off walking around what is quite a large zoo. It's amazing how far you can actually walk without feeling tired!

We went to see the giraffes, who had drawn quite a crowd considering that the latest addition to the giraffe family was only two weeks old. Thing 3 was in awe of these tall creatures that must have looked amazingly huge to the little Thing 3. She stood stock still for ages just looking upwards and occasionally waving at them.

Thing 1 asked if we could go and see the dinosaurs. We told him we would when we got to them but we were going to work our way round rather than zigzagging back and forth. We went to see the monkeys. Things 1 & 2 dashed off to press buttons on an interactive unit and paid little attention to the actual animals.

We decided it was time to consider finding somewhere to sit down for lunch. Perfectly timed, really as we were right by some benches and the park. By this time the weather had also brightened up considerably and so it was pleasant to sit, eat and watch Thing 3 mush food into the table, her clothing and her hair. Thing aunty hadn't been as organised as us and hadn't brought a packed lunch, instead deciding to purchase something there. So, whilst we tucked into our soggy ham sandwiches, bottles of corporation pop and single penguin biscuits, Thing aunty swanned off to buy some food, then returned with a box of pizza and a cup of hot chocolate.... I have never wanted pizza so much! And hot chocolate?! in an act of defiance I took myself off to the nearby kiosk and soon myself and Thing nanna also had hot chocolate. . . Unfortunately, my quick trip to the kiosk was with the accompaniment of Things 1 & 2, and so resulted in the purchase of three ice creams as well... I can't complain. It kept them quiet for all of ten minutes!!!

We went to see the lions and tigers, then finally headed round to the dinosaurs. That should read 'round to where the dinosaurs WERE', that is until last Christmas, when they were removed pending a new exhibit. Thing 1 sobbed. It was heartbreaking and now I'm researching where I can take him to see dinosaurs! He was however bribed to cheer up, with the purchase of a dinosaur grabber which is what he'd been saying he was going to buy from the zoo! (luckily remnants from the dinosaur shop remained in one of the other shops).

We went to see the butterflies. The Things were dubious at first but once inside they were amazed. Thing 2 was happy until one rather big butterfly settled on her back. I whispered to Thing 1 not to say anything whilst I removed it, but of course he very loudly announced to her that there was a butterfly on her back; cue lots of flapping and spinning round in circles by Thing 2 as she got increasingly more hysterical. I managed to get the butterfly onto my hand and then Thing 1 had to hold it. He was adamant that it had "fangs".

We still had so much to see. We went in the bat cave, which we ended up walking through twice as Thing 2 got almost to the exit, decided she wanted to leave and as only a three year old can, stubbornly insisted that the exit was where we came in, thus dragging myself, Thing 1 and Thing aunty back the way we'd come, against the tide of other visitors to the bat cave, which of course, at that moment in time consisted of a large school group, all dressed in red, just like the Things. We finally convinced her that the exit was the opposite way and managed to get her out. Thing 3 had fallen asleep in her pram before we got to the bats, so we left her and Thing cousin outside with Thing nanna whilst we went in. That's not really a bad scenario, as last time we went to the zoo, when Thing 3 was six month old, the bats had taken the decision that she looked like a latrine and therefore pooed all down her leg. Poor Thing 3!

We had such a great day. The Things behaved exceptionally well and enjoyed themselves although they were very tired; we worked out that they must've walked solidly for the best part of six hours so they did fantastically well. Roll on the next day out!

*special thanks must go to the lovely lady and her husband who sent us zoo tickets, as without them we wouldn't have afforded the trip... If you read this, you know who you are and you really are fabulous. Thing 1 says that you are his fairy godmother! *

A week into Easter and Thing Central remains standing.... Result!

I'll admit it. I was wondering how we were going to survive two full weeks of a fully stocked Thing Central. I will admit that, one week in and I am not only surprised that the place is still standing, but also that I haven't yet had to enforce strict rationing measures upon the food supply (although, we are getting rather close to this eventuality).

On Sunday, we went to paternal Thing grandparents' house and all three Things played splendidly well with each other, whilst my mother-in-law taught me to knit. I can only knit long strips and squares.... But, ever the optimist, that means I can knit scarves and handkerchiefs.

On Monday we visited a friend. This was the only day there was a minor hiccup in Thing behaviour. They were playing nicely upstairs with friend's two children, Big J and little J, then there was a yell of 'help! Thing 2 is stuck!' ... It materialised that they had decided to play hide and seek and then had decided that fabric wardrobes would be a fabulous hiding place. Said fabric wardrobe had then collapsed, Thing 2 and all. New fabric wardrobe was broken, clothes were everywhere, I was mortified and Thing 1 remained proud that he'd been able to reach the zip to unzip the wardrobe in the first place. Needless to say, we made a quick getaway, me flushed beetroot and Thing 1 still chattering away about how tall he is.

Tuesday was dinosaur day at Thing Central. We made dinosaur booklets with glitter pictures and lift the flap dinosaur eggs. Then we made chocolate cornflake 'dinosaur nests'. I had three happy, chocolatey, glittery Things by the end of the day.

The rest of the week has been a mixture of pottering about and playing with toys. Although on Friday afternoon I did have the fabulous idea of sorting through summer clothes to assess what we already had for our June holiday to Cornwall and what would be needed.
This was all in all a terrible idea I will say in hindsight. Trying to sort through piles I clothes with three Things running riot? Honestly, within five minutes the entire house looked like Primark.... When there's a sale on! It was ridiculous! There were shorts hanging from lamps and swimming costumes on the door handles. It really did look as though the Cat in the hat had paid a visit and released those Things there and then. Lesson learnt. I shan't be doing that again.

Yesterday (Saturday) I threw all three Things outside to play in the sun. I put up the play tents they got for Christmas. Got out the little tykes cars. They upturned the cars and pretended they were houses, they sat in the tents, pretending they were cars (?!) ... Then, as I turned my back momentarily to sort some washing, they decided to dig in the mud. Thing 3 decided to eat the mud. I took them a tub of warm soapy water and asked them to wash their hands. They splashed and splished and filled the tub with stones.
At least they had fun although I was despairing.

Next week we have a treat planned. A trip to the zoo. I can't wait. I'm hoping that they'll all be one their best behaviour (the Things, not the animals) and that Thing 3 refrains as best she can from her current habit of growling at any creature smaller than a Labrador as barking at any bigger than that.
It is something to look forward to over the next two days, Although if I hear another rendition of 'nanna's taking us to the zoo on Tuesday', I may go spare!

Easter fun and games, Gangnam Style

If I have learnt anything from this past week, it is that I am completely out of touch with modern music and that even though Thing Central isn't actually a cave somewhere on a secluded and cut off island with no electricity or newspapers, it may as well be.

Thursday was the last day of school before the Easter holidays began for Things 1 & 2. It was also the day that school asked for an inordinate amount of parental input.

Thursday was Easter bun day; our school has seemingly loads of these bun days; Halloween, valentines, summer....
When Thing 1 started in nursery class, I went all out for his first bun day. Making inventive 'honey and sunflower' buns and 'chocolate and peppermint' buns. My first attempt at making cupcakes from scratch and a rather tasty success if I do say so myself; 3 years on and with two Things now needing to take buns in on bun day, I finally cracked; Easter bun day? Easy-peasy chocolate cornflake nests will do the job!

But, as well as making buns for bun day, I was also tasked with making an Easter bonnet for Thing 1, with only a day and half notice. We managed it and he was pleased with it; that's what matters.

Now, this Easter bonnet was what led me to my discovery of how out of touch I am. Thursday morning was Thing 1's Easter extravaganza. A morning for parents to join their children at school and partake in Easter-y activities. This extravaganza was to begin with an Easter bonnet parade; the twist? The parents had to parade with their child's bonnet on their heads.... Luckily, some of the children didn't have their parents in attendance and so they were to wear their own bonnets, and my little saviour, Thing 1, was so desperate to wear his that he joined in the parade and I avoided having to prance around the hall in a too-small Easter bonnet with bunny ears and paperchain 'hair'. Mum friend wasn't so lucky, her child was quite happy to let her take part in the parade. The next surprise? The kids had chosen the music. Mum friend said; 'if it's 'Gangnam Style' I'm not doing it'. I looked blankly at her, like she was speaking a foreign language.

The music started, children and parents pranced and bounced around the hall, bonnets on heads. Fluffy chicks flying left right and centre, like yellow debris. Eggshells falling on the floor, bits of bonnets pinging off in all directions. I listened to the song. The first time I have ever heard it. Feeling a little bit mean as I had been continually lecturing Thing 1 for weeks for randomly shouting; 'heeyyyyy, sexy lady'; in my defence, I didn't know it was part of a song,I did think it was a bit inappropriate for a five year old to be saying and was sure that it couldn't have possibly come from school. I really must live a sheltered life!
The grin on his little face told me everything I needed to know; it was a massive Thing victory and an 'I told you so, mum' all in one go.

The morning was fun. We made lots of stuff. I will admit I perhaps got a little too excited about the prospect of making glittery bunny ears, and I did insist on wearing them as soon as they were made (and all the way back home, on my own).

When I got back, I promptly googled Gangnam Style. Apparently it's been around since about July 2012. And seemingly everyone and his hamster has made their own Gangnam style video/spoof or likewise. The more I saw the more perplexed I became as to how I had been completely bypassed by this seemingly very popular craze; and I actually still don't get it?
Alas, I'm off to listen to some Petula Clarke (google it), maybe a bit of Gene Pitney, then I'm going to do the Macarena (see, I was in touch with modern dance crazes last decade...) .....

Thing 3; attention addict

Thing 3 is fast becoming a comedian. She likes the attention she gets for doing daft stuff; like yesterday, she insisted on putting on Thing 1's iron man costume and became 'iron-baby'. Today she has been walking around with a kazoo shaped like a pair of lips in her mouth and a pirate hand puppet on her hand.

I think she loves attracting attention. If she's told no, she does it twice as much;

'Please don't touch the tv, Thing 3'
She'll smack the tv instead.

'Don't pull your sister's hair, Thing 3'
She'll bite her sister instead.

'Don't get all the toys out, Thing 3'
She'll upturn the box.

'Try keep your food on your plate, Thing 3'
She'll tip the food over her head.

I am slowly getting more and more nervous about this Thing. I am now convinced that she is going to make the sometime stubborn Thing 2 look extraordinarily angelic in comparison.

As if to prove my point, as I am typing, Thing 3 has, completely unprovoked, smacked the TV, thrown the small rocking horse on its side, pulled three books off the bookcase and snatched a transformer from the unsuspecting paws of Thing 1..... Then legged it up the stairs. I'm now off to retrieve the Transformer....... Wish me luck!

Pavement candy and Betty Bear's lost sock

Yesterday we walked back from school to find an inordinate amount of pavement confectionary littering the ground.
My attention was first drawn to a solitary chunk of Yorkie chocolate which Thing 2 picked up with lightning reflexes and was about to put in her mouth.
'Noooooo!' I spoke in drawn-out slow motion.... Swiped the offending piece of floor chocolate from her childlike grasp and it fell to the floor with a thud. Of course, this evoked tears from said Thing and I had to explain kindly, but in a no nonsense way that it just isn't appropriate to eat sweets off the pavement. She looked at me, all big blue eyed and she nodded, chin wobbling at the sadness of having to leave the piece of chocolate where it lay; but I seemed to get through to her. Or so I thought.
A mere few metres along the road and we came across a lonely yellow jelly baby. This time it was Thing 1 who got the look of excitement because of what he'd found. Anyone would think they are deprived of treats and sweet stuff. Honestly they're not. In fact, they probably have more than their fair share.
Again I found myself explaining to a Thing the reasons why they couldn't eat sweets from the pavement.

Sadly, there had apparently been an explosion at Willy Wonka's factory yesterday, with the road between school and Thing Central being the worst hit. We came across treat after treat. It looked like Hansel and Gretel had left a trail for themselves to RETURN to the gingerbread cottage...
There was a piece of chewing gum, then a wrapped boiled sweet. A polo mint, followed by half a digestive, followed by a bright yellow bubble gum. Then we found a mint imperial, a jelly strawberry, a fizzy dummy sweet.
At every sweet I had to break a Thing or two's heart repeatedly by explaining that they couldn't eat it. By the time we were almost home, the pair looked ravenous and were frantically looking for a floor treat they could grab and devour before I could stop them. The walk home took forever. We got in and the Things ended up raiding the tin of biscuits; I mean, I couldn't deny them MORE treats!

Having heard that account of yesterday's walk home, you can probably imagine my delight in finding that today's walk home from school would be in the snow! Yes, you heard me correctly. In...the...snow! You know what snow means?! Any floor food would be COVERED... By SNOW! That could only mean one thing, that today's walk home would be much quicker and I would be saved the task of explaining over and over again why Things should try not to add 'floor food' to their varied diet.
I was right. The walk was much quicker. It took us twenty minutes as oppose to the day before, when it had taken fifty. Thing 2 was happy because she had painted a pink triangle (actually, it was orange, but she insisted it was pink and so to keep the peace we just nodded in agreement), Thing 1 was happy as he had been given one of the class mascots, Betty Bear, to bring home and look after for the weekend. I was happy, as in bringing out Betty Bear, Thing 1 had announced to me that he would need to sleepover at Thing grandparents this weekend as when he'd had the mascot's male counterpart, Buster Bear, he'd gone to the grandparents and therefore it would be very unfair on Betty if she didn't get to go too. A swift phone call and a Thing sleepover was arranged.
The walk back was, on the above notes, an overall pleasant experience for all. It was bitterly cold, and the snow was wet; but that wasn't going to dampen our spirits.
We laughed and joked all the way home, Betty Bear safely tucked under Thing 1's arm; each knowing we'd soon be home and could get into dry clothes, put the fire on and not have to worry about going back out into the cold.

We got in, we put the fire on. We sorted dry clothes. I made a well deserved cup of tea. I sat down on the settee.
I heard a wail of epic proportions.
I thought Thing 1 had chopped his hand off or caused himself some other serious injury. But no;

'Mum! Betty Bear has lost a sock!'

I ran through in my head where Betty had been in the house, but she was sat on the toy box by the door. The sock couldn't be anywhere but outside in the cold, wet, snow.
I momentarily mentally mapped out our entire family sock collection to see if there was a pair I could legitimately replace Betty's remaining sock with that wouldn't cause me a ridiculous amount of embarrassment upon returning Betty to school on Monday. Alas, I couldn't think of a single pair that would do; we have a large collection of socks, made up almost entirely of mismatched pairs, discoloured socks and of course mine and Things' dads socks that would be much too big for Betty. I checked eBay for a replacement pair. The sock worn by Betty was from Build-a-Bear workshop. An identical replacement pair would set me back £4.99! There is no way I would spend that on a pair of socks for a teddy bear! I don't even spend that on socks for us!
There was nothing else for it. I would have to venture out into the cold.
I braced myself and stepped out into the now blizzard conditions. I hurried along the road we'd travelled a while earlier, squinting through the whirling flakes; desperately seeking a white sock in the white snow.
I got almost halfway back to school, ended up practically on hands and knees, scrabbling in the rapidly drifting snow.
A flash of pink lace caught my eye and I blindly grabbed toward it....
Betty's lost sock! I had found it!
Yes, I was that crazy woman, standing in the snow, hand grasping sock, triumphantly punching the air. I was the one yelling 'yes!' as I did so like an Olympic gold medallist. I had done it. I had found that sock.

I returned home and cold, but triumphant. Thing 3 was asleep, Thing 2 was prancing around in her own little world and Thing 1 had completely forgotten the existence of Betty Bear, never mind that she was one sock down. Alas, I can allow myself to wallow in my sense of achievement for a little while; otherwise I would probably have a sock- induced breakdown!

Chewing gum shapes

This morning we awoke to snow. Not a lot, not even a fine layer settled on the floor, but snow 'falling from the sky!' (Thing 2) , all the same. This was enough to ensure we had giddy Things.

This morning, I awoke to, albeit a little giddy, three VERY well behaved and organised Things.

Today we set off for school early.


And thank goodness we did! We had barely left the house when Thing 1 started his newfound favourite game; walking along, looking at the floor to see the splattered ancient chewing gum marking the pavements and working out what shape they look like. We had a moon, a pirate ship, a sheep, a spoon and a house shaped piece. To name but a few. The walk took forever. I had to keep yelling for him to keep up, whilst he responded about the 'awesome' shape he'd found this time.

When we finally got to school, Thing 3 wanted to stay at nursery and play with the toys. I manage to persuade her away from that and she decided to try her luck at removing children's names from the board. I told her no. She called me a 'bad baby' and then she sobbed and sulked all the way back to Thing Central.

Things' nanna called round with some craft stuff. Thing 3 yelled at her. Things' nanna left. Thing 3 yelled at me.

Thing 3 has gone for a nap. I'm being extremely quiet in the hope she'll have a good snooze and wake up in a much better mood.

Sicky bugs, naughty Things and refraining from eating apparel

Mum I didn't eat anything today. Well, I ate my lunch. But I didn't eat any of my clothes..... Actually, I did wipe a bogey on my sleeve but I only licked it off.

Thing 1, age 5


We have had a random few days. A Thing 2 getting the 'helping hands' medal from school one day and then running out of class to me the next... Before her name was called. Apparently, she has had helping hands now so she doesn't need to try anymore . Yes. She IS only 3.

Thing 3 has had a sicky bug. Now that was fun.... Not! She managed to spew all over me. And later on she puked all over me and herself....
We got by, sleeping on the settee and hoping that the other two Things wouldn't join us. It worked the first night! Second night? We were awoken by Thing 2 at about 4.30am and couldn't get back to sleep!

Thing 1 came home with a spelling test. One of the words on his test was 'berk' (aka. Burk).... You know, that slang word derived from the cockney slang; 'Berkshire hunt'..... The word it means rhymes with 'hunt'.....

Today, thing 1 has been majorly helpful and loving ... An unusual occurence.... After something? Off to check my purse......

Kicking kings in the backside and happy Mother's Day (a day too soon)

'Happy Mother's Day,
You'll have to wait until Monday for your card because I left it in my drawer at school..... But it's dead good.... There's a tea bag in it'

Thing 1, age 5


Yesterday was a busy day. An early start to set up playgroup before the school run and keep my OCD in check as the Things proceeded to actually PLAY with the toys rather than set them out. Then followed an argument with Thing 1 who was insistent that I should telephone his teacher to tell her that he wouldn't be in for the morning because he was going to stay at playgroup. Once he was convinced of the fact he would have to go to school I faced a stubborn Thing 2 who was adamant that she's big enough to stay at playgroup alone whilst I do the school run. So slightly dishevelled and with tufts of hair missing from my head I managed To extract all three Things from the building and get Thing 1 up to school before the bell went.

Leaving playgroup later on with Things 2 & 3 was a similarly traumatic affair, but biscuits rooted from the depths of my bag settled them long enough to remove them from the building with very little awareness of my devious ploy .... I've never been so grateful for sugary sedation.

It was a quick trip back to Thing Central to get Thing 2 lunched before taking her to nursery. And we were making really good progress, that is until we saw the chickens.

A stones throw from Thing Central there is a beautiful old hall. In the garden of said hall is a pen containing a number of chickens. Being that we were in a rush, Thing 2 suddenly decided that it was a good day to take note of said chickens. And so, we stood, for ten minutes or more, on the opposite side of the road looking at chickens, Thing 2 rooted to the spot. The conversation went something like this;

Me; 'Come on, we need to get back for lunch then we can get you to school'

Thing 2; 'look, chickens'

Me; 'yes, lovely. Chickens. Now can we go?'

Thing 2; 'I think there are three chickens'

Me; 'yes, I'm not wearing my glasses, but I think you're right. I think there are three. Now lets go'

Thing 2; 'the chickens are there, look'

Me; 'yes. I've seen the chickens. (Under my breath) - I've seen them practically every day for three months'

Thing 2; 'look, Thing 3, chickens'

Thing 3; 'quack quack'

This continued for what seemed like a lifetime. I could actually hear the second hand ticking from my watch. I finally got them moving on though; with the bribe of chocolate after lunch.

Yesterday afternoon was similarly riveting. Thing 1 has been doing a workshop at school over the last six weeks to which parental attendance is requested. Yesterday's was the last one.
There were nine children in the group, and they were asked to think of what they want to be when they're grown up and then mime it for us parentals to guess. There were three aspiring firemen, a police officer, an astronaut, a train driver, and a teacher. Thing 1 mimed being Spider-Man and clarified that even if he couldn't be Spider-Man then he would definitely be a superhero of some description; I have never been more grateful to a child than I was toward the ninth child, who completely stole the show with her fantastic impression of a parrot followed by a verbal assertion that she would definitely be a parrot when she's older and if that doesn't happen then she'll make do with being a flamingo. My imaginative child's mime was most definitely forgotten.
Thing 1 almost managed to get himself back in the spotlight but was saved by my quick reflexes. The man running the workshop dressed up as a king; he donned a long floor-length red velvet cloak. He then proceeded to speak to another child in the group and bent down. Thing 1 stood up and went to kick him in the bottom. I grabbed Thing 1, placed him firmly in his chair and asked in a whisper what on earth he thought he was doing. His response? 'It was so tempting. He shouldn't have stood in front of me like that!'

I was then made to feel exceptionally guilty by Thing 1 when I got home. He proceeded to inform me that in my state of headless chicken, early morning manic madness I had accidentally put Thing 2's LOVEHEART drinking bottle in his lunch ... He was mortified, had to drink from his lunch bag. The two people he did show, laughed at him. I single handedly ruined his street cred. What a bad parent I am!

This morning I was woken by Thing 2 licking my face. Thing 1 stood over me and as I sleepily opened my eyes he joyously wished me happy Mother's Day and proceeded to explain how he'd made me a really cool card with a tea bag in it, but that I couldn't have it until Monday as he'd left it in his school drawer. I didn't have the heart to tell him that Mother's Day isn't until tomorrow anyway.

A back like jelly and remote controls

'But why do we even need remote controls in this world? It's not like we can eat them.'

Thing 1, aged 5

The past few days have been a bit of a nightmare. On Monday I was ready to catch up on my workload and make a start on Thing 3's memory blanket using patches taken from her outgrown clothes - I started this tradition with Thing 1 because I had no-one to pass his baby clothes on to and I couldn't bear to part with some items, but didn't have the storage to keep everything.

I set up the sewing machine, and started to stitch. Things 2 & 3 were playing nicely with building blocks, books and barbies (it must've been a 'B' day).

I had just got into my stride, merrily stitching away when suddenly; 'pop!' - something in my lower back went pop, I fell to the floor and yelled for Things' dad. I lay on the floor, unable to get up.
I wouldn't let Things' dad help as it hurt to move. So, lying on the floor, I became a Thing climbing frame and interactive toy.
Thing 2 relished the opportunity to whip out the Dr's bag she'd received for her birthday. She tested my ears, my eyesight, my reflexes. She pulled my tongue out and prodded it, she stuck her fingers in my ears, she prodded my eyeballs, she whacked my knees. I will admit I wasn't particularly bothered as it detracted from the pain in my back.

Thing 3 squealed with delight as she jumped on my head and swung on my legs and climbed over me and back again. Then she took to playing the drum, using my forehead as the drum and a maraca as a drumstick; to give them their due, I will credit them with the fact I managed to get to the settee and sat up.
It was an act of survival that I dragged myself to the settee, otherwise I'd have been leaving myself at the mercy of two small Things.

Not a moment too soon, Things' Nanna picked the three Things up and took them to her house so that we could make a trip to A&E. Oh how I love waiting in A&E. I almost wished I was back being a climbing frame and drum-kit.

I was eventually seen in A&E by a doctor who introduced himself as a dr who 'works at this hospital' (thank goodness for that!) and following some prodding and X-rays, I was duly packed off home to Thing central with a packet of painkillers to top up those that had been injected into my bottom whilst at A&E. A peaceful Thing free night's sleep followed.

Yesterday, I felt a little better. Thank goodness for painkillers. Thing 3 was unusually gentle and Thing 2 was helpful. Things 1 & 2 decided that they were both going to be the cat in the hat from the time they got in from school until bedtime. This did highly amuse Thing 3, and kept them all out of trouble.

Today, was again somewhat improved- Thing's aunty took Thing 3 out for the day, Things 1 & 2 were in school all day. I went to the Drs and got given more medication.

All returned to havoc at Thing Central by about half 3. Things upturned boxes of toys, bickered and bit (Thing 3, that's our biter right there!). Then, Thing 2 came into the kitchen and asked me;

'What are we having for tea?'

I responded that I didn't know and she said that she wanted burger and chips. I told her we had no burgers and so she went and got her purse, pulled out 60p in ten pence pieces and informed me that she was treating everyone to a take-away. That little gesture was enough to nearly set me off in tears (I'll blame the medication for my emotional state) and I scratted about to get together some money to order a burger and chips for her. She can be such a sweetheart.

After tea, Thing 3 was caught hovering around the bin again. This time she wasn't extracting scraps of food, she was throwing objects away. Namely the television remote control. It was thrown into the depths of the bin amongst discarded apple cores and snotty tissues. Thing 2, still being helpful, retrieved the remote control wiped it on the back of thing 3's cardigan and put it away. This buzz of activity set Thing 1 off on a pondering session. He began to ponder why we actually even need remote controls. Questioning the fact that they are most probably actually useless because we can't eat them and we can't wear them. I finally got them into bed, Thing 1 was still chattering away about the uselessness of remote controls at lights off and door closed. He will probably still be chattering about his theories on the necessity of remote controls when he wakes up; so I have between now and then to come up with a definitive reason to provide him with. I'm off the write a list!